Wednesday, 20 April 2011


Again, life has taken over. A lack of time and a lack of interesting things to write about has left my blog a little bit ignored.
I am back home from uni for Easter now, it feels so good to be home, back in my comfortable bed, everything familiar around me and most importantly, I don't have to cook for myself! I think this semester has been the longest I have ever been away from home, it's been three months. Quite a long time, but to be honest I've settled in so well in Cambridge, I actually didn't want to come home.
I am having a little period of doing no work before I dive head first into the piles of work I have finish off for our hand-in in May. Hopefully I get it all done in time.
I am using this little break to reflect on things. Assess where I'm at in life, how far I've come and where I'm going next. And during this little think, I have realised how much everything really has changed and it's true what they say, everything changes with time. 
A discussion on this topic, lead to a little advise from a good friend; we cannot look back and wish for what we used to have, that is not how to make the most of the short time we have here. Instead, living in the now and being open to the changes and opportunities that will embrace us in the future is the best way to be right now.
And indeed they are very correct, but, it's hard to let go of previous chapters in your life if they felt so good, and ended before you were ready. You cannot move on when you feel like you'll never find anything as good as that, your natural instinct is to run straight back to what made you feel so happy and safe. But if it's one thing I've learnt recently, that you can never go back to something that you have lost because it will never be the same and will more than likely make you feel worse.
I think it's time to take this advise on board, do all the things I want, whilst I can! There's no point in wishing for better, when it's you that's got to make it better.

I went for a walk today, and took some pictures.
I had the following song on repeat for most of the walk. 
I don't know if anyone else gets this, but sometimes I find a song that I just really like and I can relate to well. I will listen to it repeat for hours and just not get bored of it.
I don't know why I do it, or how I do it. But I do it and I enjoy it, so I guess it's fine.

Check out the song if you like, it's really quite beautiful:
Charlie Simpson - Sundown

Have a read of the lyrics too, the pictures also kind of reflect the song!

 Girl, I've seen your dreams and they were filled with darkness,
But your eyes turned white in the bright lights.
I know there's torment in your heart and it's swimming round your body like a shark.

 Can you not see me anymore?
Or are you just hiding beneath the floor?
Because I can't feel empty anymore.

Just hide your heart anywhere
Please, hide your heart anywhere from me.
Because I'm just not ready for,
No, I'm just not ready for all this.

Just throw a stone into the wishing well,
Walk me down to the waters edge and push me into the swell.
As I walk down the stairs to face another day,
I don't think I drank enough to make your face go away.

Because I have been waiting here from the start,
Hoping the sunlight will rise through the dark
Because my heart is yearning for you dear.

Just hide your heart anywhere
Please, hide your heart anywhere from me.
Because I'm just not ready for,
No, I'm just not ready for all this.

Oh, the nights are so cold
And I'm breathing you in.
But there's blood on the streets,
And it's darker than sin.

And I don't know where I am going,
I don't wanna know anyway.
I just need you here,
because you are my sundown.

Ciao for now

Ps. I hope you are enjoying my new blog design, I have not settled on this, but I just fancied a change, so this is temporary until I find the time to work something else!

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

I will always love you...

Procrastination over my essay and other work has lead me to do a few doodles.
I ended up being quite pleased with this one.
(lyrics from Jason Mraz - A Song for A Friend)

I am currently planning my next title picture thing for this blog, as the current one has been up for a fair while now. So expect some changes coming soon!

Not feeling 100% at the moment as I'm up to my eyeballs in work, yet I can't seem to get my brain to do any of it!!
Hopefully some motivation will come soon :)
Here is a song, by Relient K called "When I Go Down".
I find it quite personal to me as it reflects the journey I'm on at the moment.
I am battling with panic attacks and anxiety and it's certainly true, 
'when I go down, I go down hard.'
The song goes on to talk about God being this person's hope and light, this is not true to me, but I have my friends and family who give me the same feeling. I just have to turn to the right people as some simply do not care and they have made that perfectly clear to me!
But those who take the time to understand me really are my my shining lights and I will always love you.

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

Sunday, 3 April 2011

Grantchester Meadows

Today has been such a lovely day, some of the people in my Illustration class and a few of the tutors took a walk to Grantchester Meadows, just outside Cambridge.
The weather was lovely, feeling almost summery!
We went to the Orchard Tea Room, which is basically an orchard, with deck chairs and tables set out underneath the trees where you can have cream teas (etc.)!
Below are a few of the many pictures I took.
 A view of the deck chairs in the Orchard

Blue Skies

Cloudy skies!

An interesting wooden sign and instructions on how not to use a deck chair

My beautiful friend, Connie, drawing away

Squashed plants against a window.. I thought it looked rather interesting

The rather large Scone (or Scons)

 A gorgeous dog, that was sat tied to the table but was very well behaved

I then gave a shot at modeling on the tree trunk!

Knotted roots.. all very interesting

Posing again! :O



Walking home... we didn't want to leave!

Rowing along the river..

.. it looks so peaceful.

My two lovely friendies Cher and Runa


Connie looking pretty in the woods

Posing again!!

I really want this!
Perfect colour :D

 Pretty flower on a bike :)

Today was so lovely, it certainly proves that good company and the little things really makes life lovely :)