Sundown

Again, life has taken over. A lack of time and a lack of interesting things to write about has left my blog a little bit ignored.

I am back home from uni for Easter now, it feels so good to be home, back in my comfortable bed, everything familiar around me and most importantly, I don't have to cook for myself! I think this semester has been the longest I have ever been away from home, it's been three months. Quite a long time, but to be honest I've settled in so well in Cambridge, I actually didn't want to come home.

I am having a little period of doing no work before I dive head first into the piles of work I have finish off for our hand-in in May. Hopefully I get it all done in time.

I am using this little break to reflect on things. Assess where I'm at in life, how far I've come and where I'm going next. And during this little think, I have realised how much everything really has changed and it's true what they say, everything changes with time. 

A discussion on this topic, lead to a little advise from a good friend; we cannot look back and wish for what we used to have, that is not how to make the most of the short time we have here. Instead, living in the now and being open to the changes and opportunities that will embrace us in the future is the best way to be right now.

And indeed they are very correct, but, it's hard to let go of previous chapters in your life if they felt so good, and ended before you were ready. You cannot move on when you feel like you'll never find anything as good as that, your natural instinct is to run straight back to what made you feel so happy and safe. But if it's one thing I've learnt recently, that you can never go back to something that you have lost because it will never be the same and will more than likely make you feel worse.

I think it's time to take this advise on board, do all the things I want, whilst I can! There's no point in wishing for better, when it's you that's got to make it better.

I went for a walk today, and took some pictures.

I had the following song on repeat for most of the walk. 

I don't know if anyone else gets this, but sometimes I find a song that I just really like and I can relate to well. I will listen to it repeat for hours and just not get bored of it.

I don't know why I do it, or how I do it. But I do it and I enjoy it, so I guess it's fine.

Check out the song if you like, it's really quite beautiful:

Charlie Simpson - Sundown

Have a read of the lyrics too, the pictures also kind of reflect the song!

 

 

 Girl, I've seen your dreams and they were filled with darkness,

But your eyes turned white in the bright lights.

I know there's torment in your heart and it's swimming round your body like a shark.

 Can you not see me anymore?

Or are you just hiding beneath the floor?

Because I can't feel empty anymore.

Just hide your heart anywhere

Please, hide your heart anywhere from me.

Because I'm just not ready for,

No, I'm just not ready for all this.

Just throw a stone into the wishing well,

Walk me down to the waters edge and push me into the swell.

As I walk down the stairs to face another day,

I don't think I drank enough to make your face go away.

Because I have been waiting here from the start,

Hoping the sunlight will rise through the dark

Because my heart is yearning for you dear.

Just hide your heart anywhere

Please, hide your heart anywhere from me.

Because I'm just not ready for,

No, I'm just not ready for all this.

Oh, the nights are so cold

And I'm breathing you in.

But there's blood on the streets,

And it's darker than sin.

And I don't know where I am going,

I don't wanna know anyway.

I just need you here,
because you are my sundown.

Ciao for now

xx

Ps. I hope you are enjoying my new blog design, I have not settled on this, but I just fancied a change, so this is temporary until I find the time to work something else!

I will always love you...

Procrastination over my essay and other work has lead me to do a few doodles.
I ended up being quite pleased with this one.

(lyrics from Jason Mraz - A Song for A Friend)

I am currently planning my next title picture thing for this blog, as the current one has been up for a fair while now. So expect some changes coming soon!

Not feeling 100% at the moment as I'm up to my eyeballs in work, yet I can't seem to get my brain to do any of it!!

Hopefully some motivation will come soon :)

Here is a song, by Relient K called "When I Go Down".

I find it quite personal to me as it reflects the journey I'm on at the moment.
I am battling with panic attacks and anxiety and it's certainly true, 

'when I go down, I go down hard.'

The song goes on to talk about God being this person's hope and light, this is not true to me, but I have my friends and family who give me the same feeling. I just have to turn to the right people as some simply do not care and they have made that perfectly clear to me!

But those who take the time to understand me really are my my shining lights and I will always love you.

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregard
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where
Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find an end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

Any control I thought I had just slips right through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light
As I exhale I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you
And life is now worth living
If only because of you
And when they say that I'm dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
Cause you'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

Grantchester Meadows

Today has been such a lovely day, some of the people in my Illustration class and a few of the tutors took a walk to Grantchester Meadows, just outside Cambridge.
The weather was lovely, feeling almost summery!
We went to the Orchard Tea Room, which is basically an orchard, with deck chairs and tables set out underneath the trees where you can have cream teas (etc.)!

Below are a few of the many pictures I took.

 A view of the deck chairs in the Orchard

Blue Skies

Cloudy skies!

An interesting wooden sign and instructions on how not to use a deck chair

My beautiful friend, Connie, drawing away

Squashed plants against a window.. I thought it looked rather interesting

The rather large Scone (or Scons)

 A gorgeous dog, that was sat tied to the table but was very well behaved

I then gave a shot at modeling on the tree trunk!

Knotted roots.. all very interesting

Posing again! :O

Blossom!

Blossom!

 

Walking home... we didn't want to leave!

Rowing along the river..

.. it looks so peaceful.

My two lovely friendies Cher and Runa

Blossom

Connie looking pretty in the woods

Posing again!!

I really want this!

Perfect colour :D

 Pretty flower on a bike :)

Today was so lovely, it certainly proves that good company and the little things really makes life lovely :)

This Is The Thing

Such a lovely song.

I don't know if you noticed anything different

It's getting dark and it's getting cold and the nights are getting long

I don't know if you even noticed at all

That I'm long gone baby, I'm long gone

And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and

The things that keep me alive keep me alone

This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything missing

Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor

I don't know if you'll even notice at all

Coz I was real quiet when I closed the door

And the things that keep us apart keep me alive and

The things that keep me alive keep me alone

This is the thing

I don't know if you notice anything different

I don't know if you even notice at all

I don't know if you notice anything missing

This Is The Thing

This Is The Thing

This Is The Thing

This Is The Thing

The Balance of Life

This weekend was a roller coaster to say the least.

Saturday was a very busy day.. my friend and I went to the Affordable Vintage Fair in Cambridge, where I purchased 3 jumpers!! (I will post pictures of these once I have found the time to photograph them!!!)

Lunch then followed.. I know, sounds extremely boring, but I thought I would treat myself to a healthy stuffed pepper and I was very proud of the results!

 

 It almost felt like summer sitting in the sunshine in my room, the window open and a light breeze drifting in, Relient K's album playing, whilst eating this summery meal! 

Heaven.

The evening came round very fast, and it was suddenly time to head back into town to have dinner at my friends house and then whizz off to a gig.

Benjamin Francis Leftwich was playing in a little pub called The Corner House in Cambridge. He was supported by two bands, Thomas Rumbold and The Catwalkers and The Sorry Kisses. They were all excellent.

However, I regret to say that I didn't take any pictures.. I think I got too caught up in watching the bands, consequently forgetting to actually take some piccies..

But I think sometimes it's nice to just watch the show and have the memories in your mind, because they will stay with you forever as well and sometime memories can be more vivid than pictures.

Anyway, Sunday then popped it's head round the corner (the days are going too fast right now!) and I ordered my ticket for The Secret Garden Party, which I am far too excited about!!

I know.. all sounds pretty good right now..

But disaster struck, I went off for my weekly food shop this afternoon. Before heading into Sainsburys, I decided to take some money out of the cash machine, but it swallowed my card!!! I couldn't get it out!

This is something I have always been worried about, but never had it happen before (until now).

This then meant I could not go food shopping, due to having no credit card and a lack of money in my purse.

(I have now canceled my card and a new one will arrive in the next few days.)

The balance of life has been restored.. something bad has to happen when too many good things happen. I do not like things like that happening as much as the next person, but I believe it keeps you grounded. 

And yes, that is my important life lesson I have learnt, you have to take it in your stride because that is what makes you stronger. You cannot let things like that drag you down.

But yet again, you still need people to fall on, which is why am very thankful for my very supportive friends and family as I believe I probably would have lost my mind without them!

I shall leave you with a song that means a lot to me at the moment.

As fast as time seems to be going right now, the times that I feel down seem to go very slow. Every hour, minute and second seems to last forever and that is the most painful thing because you just don't know what to do.

This song just helps me realise that I am not alone and the people that really care are always there for you and will do anything to 'get you back to good'.

Jonathan Clay - Back To Good

This is the only video I can find of this song

Take a While

And Take a Breath

Let yourself down slow

Gather up your memories

Hold on to what you know

And everything's been moving way too fast

You thought that you found something that would last

And it passed

So if you find

That in your mind

You're putting up your guard

Trust me when

I say it's not

Supposed to be this hard

You'll fall again

And it'll feel so fast

And every single fear you thought would last

It'll pass

And you'll fall again

And it'll feel so fast

And every single fear

And every single fear

Will pass

Do I have to let go

And watch you walk away

And do I have to let go

And wish you would have stayed

I think I'll just play the part

I think I'll just play the part

It may take some time

Before you find that

You're back to good again

Right where you should have been

And even though

The letting go

Can be the hardest part

I think it's time you start

Living like you're loved again

I don't care where you've been

I wish you'd let me in

And show me how to get you

Show me how to get you back to good

Back to good

Get you back to good

Back to good

All the same

My new band love, the rather unsettlingly (?!) named Sick Puppies

I dont mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
But I dont like illusions I cant see
Them clearly
I dont care, no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually what you'll do
I dont mind
I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's all the same

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
But in-between it always seems too long
For certain
But I have the skill, yeah
I have the will, to breathe you in while I can
However long you stay is all that I am

I dont mind, I dont care
As long as you're here

Go ahead and tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
And do it all over again
It's always the same

Wrong or Right
Black or White
If I close my eyes
Its all the same

In my life
The compromise
I'll close my eyes
Its all the same

Go ahead say it
You're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are now
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

A Mini Adventure

Hello!!

I went on a mini adventure today, on the outskirts of Cambridge and into Cherry Hinton.

We found a little park with lots of ducks in, and I managed to make friends with 3 little ducks. :)

It was refreshing to see the first signs of spring, the buds starting to appear on trees and everything seems to almost be coming back to life again :)

Walking past this was slightly unsettling though..
I do wonder what the Chadac group is though... if anyone knows let me know!!